"When Your Ex Turns Your Children Against You: What You Should Know"

By SAM STOIA, ESQ. - March 22, 2021 at 11:50 AM

As a New Jersey family law attorney, people come to me for solutions. Divorce and child custody consultations for unmarried couples often prove the most troublesome.

Financial issues are only part of the problem. Tears stream down both men's and women's faces as they share the torment of their ex turning their children against them.

Many people don’t realize there’s a name for the set of circumstances taking over their lives. Parental alienation serves as the overall description of what happens when a mother or father interferes with the relationship children have with their other parent.

It may be worse than you can even imagine. Medical experts refer to parental alienation as a form of child psychological abuse. The results suggest lifetime consequences of all types.

You may already know the pain of your ex turning your children against you. No doubt it is excruciating and leaves you feeling victimized and helpless.

Ultimately, your emotions pale in comparison to what you know is happening to your kids.

Parental alienation comes in all forms, some more prevalent than others. Here are some of the more common examples:

-Placing blame for the divorce on the child or the other parent
-Revealing intimate details about the issues between the couple that led to the split
-Expecting a child to report back on the other parent’s actions
-Badmouthing the other parent or their new partner
-Inventing falsehoods to alienate the child
-Denying parenting time or refusing to be flexible for the child’s benefit
-Threatening to withhold love if the child doesn’t choose the alienating parent
-Restricting communications with the other parent or their extended family members.
-In the past, many parents stayed in bad relationships “for the sake of the children.” The best of intentions does not necessarily work out as expected. Look for a means of moving forward when it comes to your relationships.

Clients who approach me regarding their frustrations concerning parental alienation are often at their wit’s end. Some even expect me to run to the judge and have their child’s other parent removed from their lives entirely.

The bottom line remains consistent when it comes to children. They are entitled to love from both parents and feeling good about themselves. After all, their genetic makeup comes from both.

As a New Jersey divorce lawyer, I acknowledge that I am also a counselor. My role includes a multi-faceted approach to help couples determine the financial aspects of their divorce and issues with their children. In cases involving parental alienation, I ask my clients if they have tried family group therapy sessions.

Not surprisingly, the question often elicits a negative response. I suggest that my clients attempt making the first move and invite their ex to consider third party intervention to find a working solution. People who go this route often find this as a cost effective means of resolving differences.

The New Jersey courts mandate custody and parenting time mediation whenever minor children are involved in divorce cases. Their focus rests on the best interests of the children.

As far as parents who want to race into court to see the judge, I remind them of something I consider critical. The court makes decisions based on the limited information up for consideration. A third party with that power may not be come back with the resolution either parent finds acceptable.

You may do everything to shelter your child from the process, but it may be necessary for them to come into court. Their testimony could cause you even more pain.

Mothers and fathers who find parental alienation acceptable often justify their actions. Some refuse to reason or compromise no matter the cost. You may have no alternative but to take legal action.

My experience as a family law attorney has renewed my faith in what can happen in cases involving parental alienation. I enjoy being part of the solution that helps alleviates the trauma experienced by children of divorce.

If you would like the opportunity to speak with me about your concerns, please contact me. I’m happy to spend an hour with you to discuss the steps you should consider. There’s no charge for my first one-hour consultation.

Sam Stoia is a family law attorney with offices in Livingston and Jersey City. Sam guides his clients through the divorce process with empathy and a commonsense approach. He also uses his vast experience in financial matters to achieve equitable solutions for his clients.

If you want to learn more about how an experienced divorce attorney can help you, contact Sam to set up a consultation. He’ll go over the basics as they apply to your situation.

The opinions expressed herein are the writer's alone, and do not reflect the opinions of TAPinto.net or anyone who works for TAPinto.net. TAPinto.net is not responsible for the accuracy of any of the information supplied by the writer.